Thai Marriage Advice – Counseling of Buddhist Monks

Thai Culture
Jan 14
3 min read
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In Thailand there are few professional marriage counselors, except in the upper class social circles of Bangkok. Thai marriage counseling traditionally has been handled by head monks at village temples, and this practice continues to this day — although only a small percentage of Thai couples seek out this assistance when having problems.

When Thai monks offer marriage advice, they often emphasize what is called The 4 Somchiwitham (สมชีวิธรรม ๔). These are the 4 dharma principles of Buddhism which create harmonious marriages and a solid foundation for a long lasting partnership.

Revered Thai monk Somdet Phra Maha Ratchamangalacharn (Somdet Chuang) of the temple Wat Paknam Bhasicharoen was known for providing wise advice on marriage.

The 4 Buddhist principles for creating Thai harmony in marriage are defined as:

1. Somsatta (สมสัทธา): to have a similar faith and attitude toward the doing of good deeds, making merit, and becoming a better person. Husbands and wives who have equally strong beliefs in these matters will live together longer than those with differing opinions.

2. Somsila (สมสีลา): to follow similar morality, ethics, and good habits. A husband and wife will understand each other better and live in greater harmony if both are committed to speaking in kind terms and being respectful of the needs and rights of others, while sharing a similar temperament.

3. Somjaka (สมจาคา): to share an equal willingness to sacrifice, be generous, and serve others. Happy couples in Thailand have open minds, and delight in eliminating their own selfishness, stinginess, and narrow-mindedness. A harmonious Thai marriage is where both partners are quick to sacrifice their personal wants for the greater good of their spouse and family.

4. Sompanya (สมปัญญา): To have well-matched wisdom, intelligence, and knowledge. Marriage problems often occur because the husband and wife react emotionally toward each other, instead of letting their actions be guided by the wisdom of the dharma, and an understanding of sin, merit, and the benefits of doing good, which include relief from suffering, irritation, and anxiety.

It is easy for Thai married couples to be out of sync in these areas (or perhaps they never were in sync to begin with!). It thus is the Buddhist monk’s task to try to guide the couple onto the golden path of having equal faith, morality, generosity, and wisdom.

This is done in part by reminding the Thai couple of the Buddhist Eightfold Path, and how it can be applied to married life in Thailand.

The Eightfold Path to a Happy Marriage in Thailand

Buddhist monks in Thailand will often teach married couples how to better cultivate:

1. Right Views:

Cultivate a realistic and positive perspective on your Thai marriage. Understand that both you and your spouse are imperfect and that challenges are opportunities for growth. Instead of seeing differences as obstacles, view them as opportunities for mutual understanding and personal development.

Read the Full and Newly Edited Version of This Essay
in Why Thailand: Short Essays on Thai Culture, Language, and Life

Ajarn David

Ajarn at Sakon Nakhon Rajabhat University

Ajarn David is an educator, writer, and podcaster who has been working with Thai universities for over 20 years. He is the author of "Why Thailand" (Short Essays on Thai Culture, Language, and Life), "Life Lessons from Isaan" and the bilingual poetry collection "Poems from Sakhon". He lives with his Thai wife and daughters on a farm in Sakon Nakhon (Northeast Thailand).