Monogamy and the Mia Noi in Thailand
In Thailand, the practice of married men having a “mia noi” (เมียน้อย), or “minor wife,” is a tradition which has its roots in the culture of old Siam. The kings of the Ayutthaya and Rattanakosin periods had many wives, classified in different categories, the highest level being that of “Pharaya Luang” (ภรรยาหลวง) or “Royal Wife”.
Wealthy Chinese immigrants and Siamese merchants also had several wives. While one might attribute this to simply the desire of men to have regular sex with multiple women, there was a moral and ethical component.
Because single women often had few options to support themselves, Thai society believed it was selfish for a wealthy man to support only one wife. By taking on another spouse, the man was seen as saving a woman from a life of drudgery or prostitution — prostitutes at the time being referred to as “Ying Khom Khiao” (หญิงโคมเขียว) or “Green Lantern Women,” due to the green lanterns that once were hung outside of brothels.
It was this ethical/moral component of polygamy that allowed the ruling class of Siam (already a devout Buddhist kingdom) to view these relationships as not in violation of the Buddhism’s 3rd Precept: “Though shalt refrain from sexual misconduct.”
Krom Phraya Vajirananavarorasa (กรมพระยาวชิรญาณวโรรส), who was Thailand’s 10th Supreme Patriarch of Buddhism from 1910 to 1921, defended multiple wives by stating that if a man did not try to seduce or steal away another man’s wife, he had not violated the 3rd precept.
During the reign of King Chulalongkorn the Great (1868 – 1910), there was increasing pressure on Siam to embrace the monogamy of the “civilized countries” of the West, whose influence already had inspired the King to abolish antiquated practices, such as Siamese women walking around topless, and citizens being compelled by law to prostrate themselves in front of the King.
However, King Chulalongkorn still feared the negative impact a monogamy law might have on the lives of single women in the Kingdom, and the potential for increased sex trafficking. His fear was undoubtedly genuine (and not one of self-interest), as he had only one beloved wife, Her Majesty Queen Saovabha Phongsri, throughout his reign as King of Siam.
It wasn’t until 1935 that Thailand’s first monogamy law was passed. It was then that the practice of polygamy was replaced by the more secret, unofficial, “mia noi” relationship. In the past, there always was a certain pecking order among a man’s wives. But now, a second wife always held a lower position than the man’s first (official) wife — and often he kept the relationship secret, or (at the very least) in a manner which would not publicly embarrass his wife.
The Mia Noi in Thailand Today
As Thailand has continued to develop through the 21st century, and the middle class has grown dramatically, monogamy has been embraced as a virtue and “mia noi” relationships have declined. But they are still very much a part of Thai culture. While there are no statistics on such relationships, there are likely 10s of thousands of “mia nois” in Thailand today, and I have known several personally.
On Thai television dramas, the modern “mia noi” is often depicted as a devious mistress, with bright red lipstick and high heels, trying to seduce a man away from his good and loving wife. Thai researchers have repeatedly debunked this myth.
Read the Full and Newly Edited Version of This Essay
in Why Thailand: Short Essays on Thai Culture, Language, and Life
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