How Men Vs. Women Speak Thai
I was recently watching Khru Bo’s YouTube Channel “IWantToLearnThai” — a channel I highly recommend for intermediate Thai language students who want to practice their listening skills. Khru Bo does an excellent job with her choice of subject matter, her pacing and repetition, and her overall presentation.
However, when watching her videos I was reminded of how Thai language learners who are men sometimes accidentally speak rather effeminately, because they take up the habits of a female Thai speaker, which are different than that of a male.
Learning how to speak Thai like a man, rather than a woman, goes beyond being aware of the differences between the masculine “khrap” (ครับ) and the feminine “kha” (ค่ะ), and an understanding of masculine and feminine Thai pronouns. It also includes being aware that Thai women will refer to themselves in the 3rd person and use softening particles much more than men do.
For example, in her videos Khru Bo often won’t use the 1st person Thai pronouns for “I” or “me” when describing things that she’s done or was thinking. Instead, she’ll refer to herself with her name.
For example, she’ll say something like, “Khru Bo might have told the truth” (ครูโบอาจจะบอกความจริงก็ได้นะ) instead of saying, “I might have told the truth”.
For decades, Thais have teased foreign men who refer to themselves in the 3rd person like this when trying to speak Thai — joking that they have must have spent a long time in Bangkok or Pattaya, learning their Thai from speaking to bar girls.
Another common thing that Khru Bo often does is use the Thai particles “ah” (อะ) and “na” (นะ) at the end of a phrase or sentences. These are what are known as softening words, which are used to make a phrase or sentence sound less abrupt or harsh to the ear.
For example, Khru Bo might say something like, “Mâe mâi yòo bâan ah” (แม่ไม่อยู่บ้านอะ), which means “Mom is not at home”. A Thai man would rarely, if ever, add that “ah” to the end of a sentence like that.
This isn’t to say that Thai men never use softening particles like “ah” and “na”. But that they use them far less frequently, especially the “ah” softener. They use these particles most liberally when talking to a female — especially a girlfriend, wife, or when trying to flirt in Thai.
But even in romantic situations one must be careful, as some Thai women are turned off by men who use too many softeners and thus sound effeminate (or like a “kathoey“).
When Thai men use softening particles in regular every day conversations, they often will place the polite masculine particle “khrap” after it — thus softening the sentence a little, but maintaining their masculine linguistic status.
Read the Full and Newly Edited Version of This Essay
in Why Thailand: Short Essays on Thai Culture, Language, and Life
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